Not endorsed by Health Canada (cause I can't back that up)

Weight Loss and Self Esteem

2011-12-23T12:27:00.006-08:00

It's weird...I started dieting and exercising in August of 2010 with my partner Mike. To date I've lost 61 pounds...the most weight I lost was close to 85 but I've put a few back on...stress makes eating healthy a challenge! I digress!I have always been a...well, lets face it...a fat man...and I know so many people say that using the word fat is the same as using any other slur...it's hurtful and unnecessary...but that's the word I think best describes what I was. I wasn't fluffy or big boned or husky...I was fat!What I find interesting is that my brain hasn't been able to let go of that word...I've lost 61 pounds and I've gone from wearing a size 48 pants to 34/36 and I still look at myself in the mirror and I still see the fat man that I used to be...everyday I wake up and I think I've gained weight and that if I go for dinner or eat out or have a drnk that tomorrow I'm going to wake up and be the 274 pound man I used to be...

I know this isn't possible and I know that it would take ALOT of nights of eating out and drinking that would make me gain that weight back...but it's amazing how the brain works!

Will I always look at myself and see the fat man?

A Year in Pictures

2011-11-28T19:28:00.002-08:00

YOU'RE BACK!!

2011-11-28T06:57:00.002-08:00

Meh...whatever!

Susan Abandoned Me - 5 more sleeps until she's back in the office

2011-11-23T07:26:00.002-08:00

Everyone is in Ontario for that CRE thingy...fun times for me...it's amazing how much work you get done when there's no one in the office to interrupt you!

COME BACK!!! I miss you interrupting me!

Susan Abandoned Me - Day...I lost count

2011-11-17T20:13:00.002-08:00

WOW...a lot has happened since...what, day 14...let me give you the shake down...

-I found out today through DP that some myAdvantage Savings team is going away and that the likes of DP and me are going to be fielding advisor calls...I'm not even really sure what exactly that means...but apparently my workload is going to be increasing...and I found out from an email...
-Mike spent the day in the hospital...turns out he was trying to pass a 5mm kidney stone...remember when I told you Mike had an attack in San Francisco and we thought it was his gall bladder...turns out it was the kidney stone shifting...so tonight I went to get his meds and after about an hour he was all doped out and all he could say was that he wanted gravy...I need to tuck this boy into bed...
-You come home in a week...and I'm excited...or whatever...you owe me though...you have some high needs clients!

Love you need you miss you (in an HR safe appropriate way only)

Susan Abandoned Me - Day 14

2011-11-11T12:36:00.004-08:00

I had a chuckle yesterday...CT was supposed to be at EA for their fall pension committee meeting...and I'm sure she had told me weeks before that the meeting was at 1pm...so yesterday it's almost 1 and I ask her, ummm...why are you still here? So she says that the meting is at 2 and that she had to LEAVE at 1....but now that I've freaked her out she needs to check her calendar...and sure enough, it's 10 after 1 and she was supposed to be there at 1...so she freaks out...I don't think I've ever seen her so spastic...I call EA and get voicemail (because the woman she's meeting with is in all day meetings) and let her know that CT is well on her way but was caught in traffic (the gays are excellent truth stretchers)...she calls me after the meeting and says they didn't even really look at the report that I took a week to put together...EXCELLENT!

How are you? Have you gotten dissentery yet?

Susan Abandoned Me - Day 10

2011-11-07T07:52:00.001-08:00

It's toque and mittens weather today!

You're probably sweating your face off!

Hate you!

Susan Abandoned Me - Day 9

2011-11-06T08:42:00.001-08:00

I'm getting bored doing this and there's still 24 thousand hundred days before you get back...

The Michael Jackson Cirque show was ok...we would have been pissed if we had paid $140 but the tickets were free so it was FAB! It was weird...like a hockey game, everyone had hotdogs and wine...the dancers were off...it was an intimate show in an arena...*shrug*

How about now? You back yet?

Susan Abandoned Me - Day 8

2011-11-05T15:55:00.002-07:00

Half way through my second weekend without S Danzer...but I'm busy...shaving my beard off (which I took a pic of so you didn't feel like you missed out)...and tonight Mike and I have tickets to the Michael Jackson Cirque show...

It's hard to believe that I still have a million days left before you get back!

Susan Abandoned Me - Day 7

2011-11-04T07:30:00.003-07:00

It's Friday and almost 1 full week since Susan left me!

Yesterday was ok...I'm starting to forget that Susan ever worked in the office...it's almost like she was never hired..

I'm almost done the Finning report (that's not true...I've been working on CT's reports, some of which I have to re rerun because the reporting people neglected to tell CT that the people reflected in those reports also include terminated people *sigh*)

At 1pm yesterday I came home to work from here in the afternoon...only to realise I left my VPN at work...I wonder if I did that on purpose?!

It's funny...I'll sit with my earphones in in the hopes that everyone will leave me alone...but by 8:26 DP came and sat down beside me shattering my concentration only to tell me that she was just saying good morning before locking herself in her office...and the CT had to come over and express some form of disgust for something...I had already tuned out...

So instead of working I shaved my head and face and cleaned the apartment...

Are you home yet?

As a quick aside...coming down the elevator at home it stopped...I almost soiled my pants but mike was the hero of the day...remember to ask me about it...below is the picture of the look on my face as it was happening...

Susan Abandoned Me - Day 6

2011-11-03T05:54:00.001-07:00

BLARG!

Susan Abandoned Me - Day 4

2011-11-01T09:54:00.002-07:00

DP back from Cuba and within an hour has thrown me under the bus...

Your office door remained closed...I was hoping maybe you didn't actually go on your trip...but by 4:30pm I realized you weren't coming in...

I found out from Calgary that the card I got Reema was inappropriate so Calgary refused to sign it...they're getting their own card...I'm still sending ours...

Are you home yet??

Susan Abandoned Me - Day 3

2011-10-31T14:01:00.001-07:00

It's Monday...first official day of Susan's abandonment! I have a sore tummy...I'd like to think its because I miss S Danzer...but I think I ate too much Halloween candy!

A quick run down...screaming children...because it was bring your offspring to work day *sigh* there are not enough chopsticks in the world!!

This morning was a "Munch and Learn" and I got muffins, scones and water...guess who was the one to complain that Waterloo always sends fattening foods...FYI...I got them and if you don't like them DON'T EAT THEM!!

I hate Monday! COME HOME S DANZER!! I mean, hope you're having fun!

Susan Abandoned Me - Day 1

2011-10-29T08:12:00.001-07:00

It's 8am and the first day of Susan's abandonment...I'm not sure how I feel...I mean, it is the weekend and I don't usually see Susan on the weekend...so I think today's gonna be fine...2 more sleeps and it's Monday...I'm dreading it!

It's a MAC world!

2011-04-16T21:41:00.002-07:00

I've made the crossover and got a MAC! There's NO looking back! It's weird...when I got my iPhone I wondered how I ever lived without it and now that I have this MacBook...once again, I'm wondering how I ever managed life without one! What has technology done to me?!

Caught with my pants down

2010-10-08T08:27:00.000-07:00

OK, Picture it: Miami, 2010, nighttime, scorching hot outside, yet even more so inside the raging house party we’re attending. Music is loud, and drinks are everywhere. I tell you that I’ll be right back and go use the restroom. I come back out, and you’re gone. I search frantically, and then…a scream. Someone has just discovered your pantsless, bloodied corpse in the corner on the lanai. A few minutes later the police are on the scene. Lights are flashing, people are everywhere. Then, Horatio Cane walks in and surveys the crime scene making mental notes. He walks up to your pantsless corpse, looks back at his team, slowly takes his sunglasses off (even though its nighttime), and says “talk about being caught with your pants down” and then the opening credits roll.

July 3 - Remember that time it smelled like horse shit and our feet stuck to the ground?? or Where is Sex and the City?

2010-07-03T05:59:00.000-07:00

9:30am
Up and dressed for Target in the Bronx...

3:10pm
Made it to the Bronx and back in one piece...we have some shirts...some cheap American pharma...drugs...made it back to the hotel (I effing love the NY subway) and headed back out to go to the central park zoo...on the way we walked right into a street market...every cheap made in China thing you could want you could get here...we stopped at Starbucks...got drinks...checked in for our flights and we're about to press on to the park...

By the time we got to the zoo we saw that there was a line up and by the time we would have gotten in we would have had to turn back to the hotel so we walked around the park a bit...headed back...walked through the street market...Mike got a couple of pairs of sunglasses...I got a man satchel...we had meat on a stick...a couple of bags of sweet nuts and got back to the hotel and ready for dinner...

Tonight is Ninja!

10:04pm
Back from Ninja...and OMG...5 course meal...private magic show...wicked restaurant modeled after a ninja training camp/fortress...the service was amazing...the food was amazingly delicious...definitely 5 star!! The staff tries to scare you...you have your own personal ninja server...and the magic show...the kid was hilarious...he did this thing with two rubber bands where he locked them together and then separated them and another trick where he took a deck of cards and had Mike draw on one of them to make it obviously different...and the end of the trick the card was in his fricken wallet...I almost flipped the table...it was EFFIN AWESOME!!!

July 2 - F**K YOU Lady...that's what stairs are for ("Schadenfreude" - Avenue Q)

2010-07-02T07:12:00.000-07:00

7:35am

Showered and ready to head out...today we've got 30Rock...Empire State Building, Ground Zero, the Statue of Liberty and tonight is Avenue Q

9:32am
On the train to ground zero...we've seen 30Rock and the empire state building...we decided tomorrow after the Bronx we'd head back and ride to the top of 30Rock...another couple of hours and we'll be at the base of Lady Liberty!!

2:10pm
On the ferry back from Liberty Island...it really is quite amazing being where millions of people left their countries, their homes, and in a lot of cases, their loved ones...back to New York for roasted nuts and diet coke!! Which were FUCKING DELICIOUS!!

4:30pm
Back from Liberty Island...made a stop on Canal Street for souvenirs (thanks for the tip, Britt)...it's funny, the only time I've been checking my pockets non stop to make sure I hadn't been pick pocketed was on Canal Street...we got a few things...got back on the train and we're at the Hard Rock Cafe for dinner...we even got souvenir glasses (Mike is gayer than me...he got a mixed berry margarita...I had beer...and then he called me a bitch...I rest my case)!!

6pm
OMG...Avenue Q in a couple of hours...we had just enough time to shower...iron our clothes...and walk to the theatre...

7:40pm
Seated in the theatre...and HOLY SHIT...I'm grinning ear to ear...a broadway musical set...it looks amazing...there's a cocktail waitress to take drink orders (cause you were allowed to drink in the theatre)...and a short skinny gay guy who was sassing everyone while he sold peanuts and water and goobers...movie snacks basically...

8:01pm
The musical started...if you know nothing about it...it's the story of Princeton...a puppet who's fresh out of college...venturing out on his own in a suburb of New York...the only place he can afford is on Avenue Q...there we meet Brian and Kate Monster and Christmas Eve and Gary Coleman...it's a story of life...of love...so amazing!! Once you let yourself NOT pay attention to the actors manipulating the puppets it's VERY cool!!

10:10pm
Avenue Q is all done...and we're headed back to the hotel...tonight is the night I have my Times Square panic attack! We duck into a Fossil...look around a bit...come out...get a picture where 7th avenue meets broadway...get to W43rd and decide to stop in at the cafe on the corner of 8th and 43rd...and I have a melt down...Mike saves me...I go back to the hotel room...he grabs food...we veg in front of the TV for a bit...and it's time for bed!!!

Overall an amazing day in New York City!!

July 1 - I smell skunk or No...these are NOT your carts!!

2010-07-01T05:21:00.000-07:00

5am
Up and at em...showered and on our way to the aeroporto...flight leaves at 8:05am

We hope the sedan is waiting for us in NEW FUCKING YORK!!!

6:36am
In line to go through customs...behinds the biggest booty ever (for a white chick)

Live episode of Toddlers and Tiaras...hey...isn't that Jon Benet Ramsey...whoa...it's too early to laugh at that shit!!

7:07am
Muffins at Timmy's

7:43am
American Airlines has oversold our flight...$500 travel vouchers to the first 3 lucky people who volunteer to give up their seats!!! HELLZ NO!!! I will cut a bitch if we don't get on this plane!!!

7:53am
We're on the plane...YEAH WE ARE!!! If this plane was a car...it would be a Lada!!!

One of our flight attendants is...shall we say...wash and wear...Mike and I are having a debate...is her hair just wet or is it greasy?!

9:23am
Beverage service...ONLY!!

9:40am
What is it about flying that makes half the passengers on this plane wanna take a shit? Rhetorical question!!

12:18pm
American Airlines...something special in the air...my ass...Oprah does NOT fly this airline...her guests might though...

12:43pm
Fed and watered...waiting for the flight to New York...in the few minutes we've been here...I don't appreciate the airport staff...but the toasted bagel I got was FUCKING DELICIOUS!!

Mike found a loophole in the Boingo hotspot...I lucked out and was able to post to facebooks...he unfortunately could not...

1:37pm
Picture it...Chicago...2010...the flight attendant has prepped her trollies for the flight and hears a knock at the galley door...it's catering saying she has the wrong carts and to give them back...she says no and follows the catering guy into the truck...starts yelling...punches the guy...grabs the cart back...slams the door shut and hollers up to the front to "Start the car!!!"....it didn't get to that...but it was darn close...yes...something special in the air indeed!!

1:49pm
We've decided that American Airlines slogan is defiantly NOT "We have snacks!" but if you're an unaccompanied minor it is...

6:36pm
Since landing we've almost been arrested...checked in...and taken the subway to gay New York (Christopher Street)...got some pictures and now we're at Five Guys Burgers and Fries...28 bucks for 2 burgers, 2 drinks and fries...WOW!!

The subway was cool...like Vancouver only not really at all...we managed to get metro cards and got on the right train...made it to gay town and ate...we is big boys...

I'm sure you're dying to know about almost being arrested...

So, the sedan picks us up at La Guardia and we start driving into the city and I'm the back seat taking pictures...we were about to head through a toll booth to go into the tunnel...you know...the tunnel...and I saw army guys with rifles so I took a picture...not even a second went by and an NYPD officer blows a whistle and gets our driver to pull over. The cop gets the driver to roll the rear seat down and the cop tells me he wants to see my camera and to show him the pictures I've taken. He made me delete them, told me that he could detain me for 7 hours and interrogate me, confiscate my camera, and told me that pictures were not allowed of army personelle, federal buildings and some other stuff...then he gave the driver shot for not telling me that I wasn't allowed to take pictures. What was funny was the driver thought we were pulled over because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt *chuckle*

To end the night we had beer at Ty's, were checked out, hung out for a minute in Times Square and headed back to the hotel...

9:13pm
We're throughly exhausted...tucked in for the night and we'll be ready for a new day tomorrow at 7am!!

NEW FUCKING YORK!!!

SCATTEGORIES

2010-04-05T14:41:00.002-07:00

Rules:...it's harder than it looks! Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following.They have to be real places, names, things...nothing made up! Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same 1st initial.

You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question.

What is your name: Trefor
Four letter word: tits
Vehicle: Toyota
City: Toronto
Boy Name: Trent
Girl name: Trixy
Alcoholic: tequila sunrise
Occupation: teacher
Something you wear: thong
Celebrity: Tom Sizemore
Food: tacos
Something found in a bathroom: toilet paper
Reason for Being Late: tripped
Cartoon Character: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Something you shout: THUMP IT HARDER!

Fuck, that WAS easier then it looked!! Glad my name isn't "Xerkzees"

Soundtrack to my life

2010-04-04T14:46:00.003-07:00

If your life was a movie, what would the soundtrack be?

So, here's how it works:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool (Not gonna lie... I was tempted to change a few. but then that took the fun out of it and I would have failed at this soundtrack to your life game... hahaha)

Opening Credits: Elevator Love Letter - Stars
Waking Up: International Bright Young Thing - Jesus Jones
First Day At School: Set the Fire - Snow Patrol
Falling In Love: Burial - Mike Snow
Fight Song: Sugar 1 - Yahel (Ferry Corsten Remix)
Breaking Up: Superman Song - Crash Test Dummies
Prom: Old Pop In An Oak - Rednex
Life: Lift the Wings - Riverdance
Mental breakdown: Fear - Sarah McLachlan
Driving: There's a Fine Fine Line - Avenue Q
Flashback: Long Night - The Corrs
Getting back together: So Many Men So Little Time - Miguel Brown
Love Scene: Devil Nights - Electric Six
Wedding: Lover, You Should Have Come Over - Jamie Cullum
Birth of Child: Parasol - Tori Amos
Final Battle: The Hand That Feeds - Nine Inch Nails
Death Scene: Fly Me To the Moon - Frank Sinatra
Funeral Song: One By One - Wilco
End Credits: I Wanna Borrow That Top - Kelly

...and the plot thickens...

2010-04-01T17:35:00.003-07:00

I took the car back to HTV...Trong looked at it...VERY promising!

NEW OEM bumper...$380

NEW OEM bumper absorber...(not quite sure...didn't think it'd be much more than $100 - I find out on Saturday if he can't fix and has to replace)

Installation...(quoted me $75 (I'm assuming that's for an hours worth of work))

=HAPPY CUSTOMER (less than $600)

EAT SHIT Maaco and Boyd Autobody!!

Oh, and my aux cooling fan relay failed again - a month past warranty...of course...

BUT it all costs less (bumper repair AND relay) than what ICBC estimated (and what I had budgeted)

SWEET 8 pound 4 ounce baby Jesus!!

Bumper Bumper Everywhere?

2010-03-30T20:05:00.002-07:00

ICBC = $806
Maaco = $915
Boyd Autobody = $1011
HTV = waiting for quote

Tastes like chicken!

2010-03-26T07:43:00.001-07:00

Between Trefor and Sondra Ripley

Sondra Ripley 25 March at 15:19
No. I wouldn't say I'd eat it. I think I can honestly say, I'd rather eat human flesh than human poop. Not that I'd go for either, but if it was an emergency, and I HAD to eat to stay alive, and you were dead, I'd eat you before poop.

Trefor Stambuck 25 March at 16:26
You would eat me? Seriously?

Sondra Ripley 25 March at 16:30
If it came down to it I would. Like for example if our plane crashed in a remote area with no food, and you died from natural causes, I'd eat you. I'd expect you to do the same.

Trefor Stambuck 25 March at 21:20
Our plane crashed but I still died of natural causes? Hmmm

Sondra Ripley 25 March at 21:27
OK, re-reading that, I realize how stupid that sounds, but you get what I was trying to say. You'd likely be dead from the crash, and if not the crash, then in the days after due to complications from your extensive injuries. SO, after a couple days of hunger, I'd have to make the choice of life or death, and I'd have to choose life of course, so I'd eat you. But I'd feel really bad and probably cry the whole time. OR, I guess that might be a good time to go veggie? Unless we crashed in the dead of winter in like 300 feet of snow. Then, its Trefor Casserole.

March 21 - "It's so humid I'm sweating my cahones off!!" or "OMG we just tipped the server 8 bucks on a 12 dollar bill!!" or "Stop rubbing it, you're gonna get an infliction!"

2010-03-21T03:39:00.000-07:00

8:43am
Showered and fed...we're back in the room waiting for the bellboy to come and collect us and take us to the front so we can catch our shuttle back to the Cancun airport. This evening we're in Regina...tomorrow morning we're back to Calgary then I continue onto Saskatoon and Mike goes home...

10:46am
Checked in at the airport...an hour and a half until we leave paradises! Sad face!

12:35pm
We are in hell!!

All of Saskatchewan's finest have decided to travel home from Cancun...today...on THIS flight!! Please, gouge my eyes out?! We haven't been able to pull away from the gate because the set of stairs at the back is broken...so Jack Saskatchewan with his big mouth piped up and offered to unstick it...thanks Jack...I think we can let the airline deal!

12:44pm
Randy, the captain, just let us know it's a balmy +2C in Regina The passenger behind me was heard to remark "Fuck I don't wanna go home!"

2:14pm
Over land

I think I'm coming down with death...I have chills and my tummy hurts. Sad face!!

6:34pm
Ma Baker is driving our cab to the hotel...and the rides all jumpy...I think she's having a seizure!!

9:27pm
Bed time...back in Canada...it's good to be home! Kinda!

March 20 - "No no, don't say that! He's homophobic!"

2010-03-20T17:33:00.000-07:00

9:10am
Last nights International Show was hillarious!! The costumes were interesting..there was a 'mo in the show...lighting and technical effects were stunning...it was like High School Musical....we laughed...we cried!!! The 'mo kept whistling trying to get the audience motivated...I think everyone was more confused than anything...

It's hard to believe that in 24 hours we'll be in a van back to the airport!! Sad faces!!

Items for today in no particular order:
-breakfast
-pool time
-check in for tomorrows flight
-pack
-drink

1:51pm
Back from the pool where we played water volleyball with a motle crew...there was one guy who insisted on calling out the faults of everyone else yet neglected to comment on himself when he fucked up...and mikes and my team lost 2 of 3 games...we blame it on the sun for the first game and being tired for the third! Maybe being sligtly drunk was the problem...but is that really a problem?

We consumed copius amounts of alcohaul in celebration of our new butch deuchy love of beach sports! Go team! Ole!

9:10pm
Back from dinner...Mexican buffet...and Mexican folklore dancing...the mariachi band was lackluster at best so we skipped that and opted for an early night since we're going home tomorrow...

BUT at the end of he folklore dancing 2 couples came up to the front to take pictures...and one of the guys said to the other "Come here big boy!" to which the other mans girlfriend replied: "No no, don't say that! He's homophobic!" STELLER!! Totally win win...since homophobia is like cancer!!

Buenos noches!!

March 19 - "No Cole, No open!"

2010-03-19T20:35:00.000-07:00

9:12am
Mike forgot our room key in our room...it was serindipidous that housekeeping was right outside our room...so we asked her if she could let us in...she looked at her sheet and asked our name and room number...we said "Cole...room 1308"...to which she replied with smile "Good...no Cole...no open"

10:40am
Back from breakfast and a bike tour. Antonio was so friendly and had pillowy soft hands! We learned he's lived in Montreal and Vancouver both for 6 months and preferred Vancouver...yeah he did! We rode around the resort and stopped at the beach for a beer...the tour was about 45 minutes...Antonio was awesome! Sadly we didn't have any pesos to tip him with and everytime we pass the pool/activities centre he's not there! Sad face!

Ocean time!!!

7:37pm
Not Learning My Lesson - 101
So burning my torso was apparently not enough of a lesson to remind me to adequately apply sunscreens! I needed to fully burn my arms and legs today at the beaches! I can seriously feel my heartbeat in my legs! It truely is awesomes!!

We had a beer...laid on the beach for a little bit and swam in the ocean for about half an hour...then fell asleep on the beach!! When I woke up I kinda knew I'd wish I was dead! So we changed and went for lunch followed by a 4 hour siesta (the oceans are so exhausting...seriously)...we just got up...decided we're going to go to the International Show after dinner!! So exciting!

Please cut off my arms and legs!?

March 18 - "Here are your pesos! You are now rich in my country!"

2010-03-18T20:20:00.000-07:00

7:14am
Scuba Diving Day! Going for breakfast then gonna swim with the fisheees!!

3:26pm
We got back from snorkeling around 12:30...OMG...for a first time snorkeling experience...so cool...I saw a baracuda...mike sa an octopus and a squid...they took us to two locations...a deep reef and a very shallow reef...the deep reef was probably 20-30 feet below us...the shallow reef was seriously 6 or 7 feet deep. We saw fish of every colour!! We made friends with a couple of lesbians who are staying at our resort! Or snorkeling leader at one point showed me a huge shell and when I looked inside the inhabitant was still in it!! Mike said that the leade would poke his hand into formations and all sorts of fish would come poring out!! It was hillarious since I had never snorkelee before I didn't know how to properly breathe...so you'd almost think I was having a panic attack...my reathing was all eratic...it was so amazing though!!! I honestly thought I was in a discovery special!! Thank you, Mike!!!

When we got back we had a buffet lunch...mike got to have coconut icecream so he was happy!!

We spend a couple of hours in the pool having cocktails and beer...we watched the 3pm crazy game (drinking contest)...and decided that 5 drinks a piece was enough...

We've decided that tonight we're going to catch one of the evening shows...either belly dancing or some fire show...and to ight we're going to try the Indonesian restaurant...

Time for a siesta!!

9:13pm
Dinner was Indonesian and entertainment was amazing! We saw non traditional belly dancing....not only was it non traditional but it was gay friendly...one of the dancers was a dude! We were waiting for his balls to fall out of his belly dancing skivies! The fire show followed! It would have been a perfect opportunity for Mike to light boys that checked me out on fire...alas...he was distracted with the moving light! I've seen fire dancing before but this was like going to a goth club! They were dressed in black with dark makeup...it definitely added to the total effect! SO GOOD!

As I sit here writing this Mike was getting some more pesos and the woman behind the desk told him that he was now rich in her country...I had a good laugh!

Bed time! We've been out all day and are eagerly anticipating turn down service...mmmmmmm....

Sleep well! Buenos noches!

March 17 - "Would you like somethig for your mistress?"

2010-03-17T20:12:00.000-07:00

3:50pm
Home from Playa del Carmen...purchases in tow...mike got a very cool Mayan calendar made of fish bone and all sorts of tequilla (but none with scorpians)...and I got a few things for mum and my brother and sisters and Sondra and Richard...

The van ride was...interesting! Trailer park boys seemed to be the theme both in music and travel company...we almost caught herpes from the woman in the front seat!! But, it's all part of the flavour, right?

Playa del Carmen was not a mall like I thought...it was a city...and we were dropped off downtown and given 3 hours to do our worst!!

What I noticed first was that store vendors hung out outside trying to get you to come in...because they has exactly what you need or what you're looking for! One guy asked if either of us needed something for our mistresses...another asked if we were brothers and one store owner stopped us on our way out by rubbing Mikes tummy asking him to make a deal!! If I had a nickel for every store owner that left me alone I'd have 10 cents!! Very different atmosphere...and if I had bought all of the Cuban cigars I had been offered I could open 3 smoke shops! Neither Mike or I wanted to smoke dish rags...OH!!! We were also offered some guys sister after we turned his offer for cigars down! Only 50 pesos!! Mike was hoping for a brother though!!

We were back by 2:30...changed and went for lunch!! People who have complained about portion sizes are CRAZY!! The portions have been perfect! The service has been excellent and the food has been amazing!!!

It was nice being out on a cooler day! It was probably around +24C...and it rained this morning...the breeze helped cool everything off!!

Tonight is dinner at the Seafood restauant and we'll see what follows!

8:31pm
Spent 2 and a half hours in the jacuzzi tub in our swimsuits drinking beer and wine talking about our feelings!!!

Going for dinner!!! OMG seafood!!! And I'm drunk-ish...mike says I'm drunk...I disagree...he's drunkers...he's almost fallen 4 times....but apparently he doesn't appreciate me telling the world this! He'll get over it!

March 16 - "Tips are like sex...you can never get enough" or "You really don't need to look like a whore in the jungle, Mum"

2010-03-16T20:10:00.000-07:00

9:39am
Day 2 of horrendous sun burn!

ATVing today...weather...+28C

Time to shower and go for breakfast!

4:10pm
Back from ATVing...boy are we dirty! SO MUCH FUN!! We were picked up at 11:30 and rushed off to pick up a mother and her two sons before arriving at Crocodile Dundees Mexican ATV Hideout! This place was...interesting! Very masculine! VERY!!! There were a couple of huts...and a small building...once we signed waivers we were told to wait in the "Jungle Lounge"...there were assorted magazines...and the mother actually asked mike and I if we were married...so brazen, I know...I thought it was cool...mike was a little blown away! At around 1pm or tour guide came out and got us on our Quads...avec goggles and do rags (for our faces...don't worry we got pics)...and in about 10 minutes we were off!

We quadded for about an hour through the trees...very dusty...very cool! The two kids we drove down with were funny...machines on their quads...we all bonded *chuckle*

We stopped at the sacred cenote and went for a dip! The water was crystal clear and there were even small fishies swimming with us. Mike and I headed into a little alcove and ended up in a small open cave...with our goggles on you could see the bottom and gosh it was deep! SO amazing!! After drying off we quadded back to base camp and were offered Pepsi while we looked at the pictures that were taken of us while we out and about...mike and I of course bought ours!

We got back to the resort around quarter to three...sunburns still hating us...but the aloe Vera and lidocane have made everything a bit more bearable! We've showered...gotten dressed and we're off for a bite to eat!!

12:37am
Had a siesta...cause that's what they do here...when in Rome...errr Mexico...hmmm...what else happened tonight...oh...yeah...

I just have to say DEATH TO SUNBURNS!!! It was worse today...but alcohaul fixes everything (foreshadowing)...

After we finished our late lunch I called home and spoke to my sister Rachael...who advised me that PRE tanning to get a base coat is advisable!! BITCH!! Shoulda told me that before we left :p

Had a siesta...and went to the Japanese resteraunt for a late dinner (around 8:30pm)...I had the chicken currey and mike had the beef teriaki...we both admit that thonights restauant choice was not our favourite...partly because of the service...after dinner we toured (very quickly) and decided we needed more alcohaul to make our sunburns go away...we happened upon the sportsbar...sat down at one of the tables that had Jenga set up and proceeded to drinks copius amounts of Hurricanes while enjoying the mixed musical stylings of Mili Vanili and other 90's artists...I beat Mike like 5 or 6 games to 4...I am the bear champion...BEST SPORTS BAR EVER!!!

By 12am we decided it was time to go back to our room...since tomorrow is shopping!

I still can't believe I'm here!!

March 15 - Wanna Buy A Mask?

2010-03-15T20:50:00.001-07:00

9:55am
Just got back from breakfast and booking a few activities for the week

Breakfast was buffet...the breakfast "nook" was similar to dinner last night. We were serenaded by a classical guitarist while we ate. Every breakfast food imaginable was available...fresh fruit...assorted tropical fruit juices...local foods...quesidilla I never thought of as a breakfast food...bt it was there...oh...and we ate with local birds!! Birds were hangin out...cooing at people as they ate!!

We also booked an ATV excursion for tomorrow...we'll see a cenote (seh-no-teh)...go ATVing through the jungle...swimming...SO AWESOME!!

Thursday we're going snorkeling somewhere close...CORAL REEF SNORKELING!!! OMG!!!

IT'S BEACHTIME, BARBIE!!!!

1:51pm
Back from beach and lunch!! 5 daquiris and 2 beers later we're ready to hit the pool!

It was hillarious! When you tip we seem to have noticed that our drinks got stronger...that or we were getting drunker!

Lunch was buffet...live xylophone music...I had the most amazing grupper for lunch!

I did notice that I missed a couple of spots with sunscreen...have fixed that! Mike has gotten some colour too!

We're having an amazing time and still can't get over how perfect this place is!

Time for the pool!!

8:18pm
The sun is homophobic!! Mike has offered to light it on fire! I say YES!

It feels like we both have 7th degree burns BUT just looks like we got some colour!!

I've sucked it up and stopped crying (the aloe Vera with lidocane helped immensely)...so now it's time for dinner...we're thinking Carribean by the pool!

March 14 - You Didn't Bring Any Chikas With You?

2010-03-14T20:48:00.000-07:00

6:15am
Mike and I are off...riding in the taxi to the aero porto...it's 7 days...6 nights of mohitos and mango daquiris!!

We've tentatively decided to call this vacation Chicha's Grande...loosy translated as Big Tits!!

7:21am
At the airport...saw my first boyfriend Shawn...kinda weird since I haven't seen him in over 10 years!! This sparked a short conversation about ex boyfriends...OMG WE'RE GOING TO MEXICO!!!!

9:14am
I hope our bags make it!! Seriously!!

9:49am
Kids! ALOT of kids on this 5.5 hour flight!! Thank the gods we're staying at an adults only resort!!

11:06am
Just found out that the small blue tourist card they give us...if we lose it we can't leave cancun...oh...and we're staying in the state of Quintana Roo...

1:37pm
Entering Oklahoma

2:54pm
Over the Gulf of Mexico...OMG...1hour and 10 minutes until we land in Chicha's Grande!!!

4:06pm
Just landed in Cancun

5:06pm
Mike and I both avoided getting randomly screened at the airport...I thought I was gonna pee my pants when the guy looked at me and said, "Push the button!"

6:17pm
Checked in and in our room! This place is fucking amazing!!! Seriously!! No words could adequately express...to quote Mike "This room is fucking insane! We have robes!!" Theres 7 restaurants...we're a 3 minute walk to the ocean...tonnes of included activities...first impressions....the most amazing place on earth...and this is just day 1!!

Showers and dinner is what's up right now!!!

8:17pm
Back from dinner...3 mohitos and 2 mango daquiris later! Amazing dinner! New York steak...baked potatoe...cheesecake for dessert...the grounds are beautiful...highlighted palm trees...brick walkways...

We've nicknamed our room Casa de Bear Cub!!

Since we were throughly iniebriated when we got back to our room we ordered room service (because we could)...

The cost of rice in China

2010-03-08T18:14:00.001-08:00

My bumper repair is estimated at $806...fuckit...I refuse to worry about it until I come back from Mexico...

It's always fun...

2010-03-07T17:07:00.000-08:00

...to get randomly screened at the border and almost have your Nexus card seized...and then this morning...to get into a car accident with an Asian in a Mercedes suv who decided to stop short half way through the intersection and then proceded to argue with me about driving...why you hit me...why you not stop...you drive too crose..she got away without a scratch and my bumper is borked...FML

Homophobia is HOT! - w4m

2010-02-26T08:53:00.001-08:00

You: Two guys in your 30s, both wearing gray pinstriped suits. Possibly lawyers based on your conversation.

Me: Woman in my 30s, also wearing professional dress.

Scene: A New Haven line MetroNorth train this morning.

Action: I enter a crowded train. The only seats available are the middle sections of the three-seaters. I walk to the end of the car and say politely, "May I sit there?" Guy #1 immediately moves over into the middle seat to continue his conversation with Guy #2.

The problem: I realize when I go to sit down that Guy #1 hasn't actually moved all the way into the middle seat. He is still about 6" away from Guy #2. This means I have to squeeze into 3/4 of a seat. I try not to breathe too deeply. It's a good thing I don't have a newspaper to open or I'd accidentally smash Guy #1 in the face while turning the page. But I keep my elbows to my sides and scroll through emails. Occasionally I shift but Guy #1 doesn't budge. I resolve to go to Bikram yoga more often. You know, to lose all that water weight that's bulking me up.

My realization: You were clearly concerned about allowing your thighs and shoulders to touch those of your friend. This is wise and I was being insensitive. A straight man should NEVER allow himself to have fully clothed, completely public, non-sexual body-on-body contact with a same-sex friend. Everyone knows that gayness is more communicable than swine flu.

My proposal: Let's have a threesome. Email me and we'll get it on.

* Location: Fairfield County, CT
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

BEST. DAY. EVER!

2010-02-18T13:17:00.000-08:00

I received an opportunity by fax today that seems too good to pass up. Its from a gentleman in the UK named Matthew Pennington who is the official solicitor for Mr. David Hubert (deceased). Apparently Mr. Hubert has no next of kin and a rather large bank account containing $15,000,000 pounds. Mr. Pennington needs someone to act as Mr. Hubert's next of kin or else the bank will terminate the account and confiscate the funds in the account. All I have to do is email Mr. Pennington to set everything up, and they'll split the money 45/40 as Mr. Hubert was apparently quite the do-gooder and wanted 5% of his earnings to go to charities and the other 10% to cover expenses for transfers and such. It looks like I received the answer to my prayers! I hope things go as smoothly for me this time as they did when I helped that imprisoned Nigerian Prince get his money back.

How I lost my sea legs!

2010-01-27T10:50:00.001-08:00

Sondra and I were out on our jet skis enjoying a fine sunny Florida day when just up ahead I spotted trouble. It looked like a dolphin (who was wearing gang colors btw) was hassling a poor defenseless manatee like a jock hassled the fat band nerd in junior high. I was about to suggest calling in for the Marine Patrol (I know it doesn’t really exist, but just go with it), but you had already sprung into action. You were off your jet ski and in the water fighting with the dolphin. You were punching back and forth with the dolphin when all of a sudden he busted out a broken bottle and started trying to stab you with it. Then, I shouted out “Your shiv!!!!!” and you pulled out the tooth brush with the sharpened end that you keep in your pocket at all times. Well…..I don’t think I have to tell you what happened next, as the dolphin floated away to the big ocean in the sky. You’d think that was the end of it. But it wasn’t. Turns out that dolphin had an older brother…also in the gang, and he was pissed that you killed his little brother, so before either one of us knew what happened, the older brother dolphin was on your jet ski and he ran over you and the propeller badly injured your legs. When we finally got the Marine Patrol out there, and got you to a hospital, it was too late. You had gangrene, and the touch therapy from the Scientologists didn’t work *cough..surprise..cough* so they had to take your legs. But you, ever the spark plug, found a way to keep going, and with your new Lt. Dan Spaceship legs you’re taking the world by storm.

The Joy of Reading the Phone Book with Bob Ross

2009-11-27T11:17:00.003-08:00

If Bob Ross was to be the star of an audio book I figured the phone book would be just as good a book as any...you know...to help you fall asleep...Sondra and I think it would go something like this:

“Hi folks. I’m Bob Ross. Today I’m going to lull you into a groovy slumber by reading the Metro Detroit phone book. Let’s get to it. A. Aaronson 123 Elm Street (555) 555-5555”

Jerry Springer moment?

2009-11-26T11:35:00.003-08:00

I wonder what happened to the Peanuts Gang...I'm pretty sure it's not good...considering they had no parents...Charlie Brown would be a petty street thug with a painkiller addiction because he has chronic back problems from all the times that Lucy took the football away just before he kicked it. Peppermint Patty and Marcy would be living in domestic lesbian bliss, but struggling to adopt a baby. Lucy would be a lonely alcoholic career woman (a couples therapist). Linus is dating Sally (he’s still her sweet baboo) but Linus is living a lie, he’s actually gay and still in the closet. Sally will be devastated when he she finds out on the eve of their wedding. Pig Pen is homeless and totally OK with it because it means he doesn’t have to bathe EVER, and Schroeder is a struggling jazz musician living in what’s left of New Orleans. After the hurricane, he couldn’t cope and developed a wicked heroin habit. Jerry Springer, where are you?

Tits McGee

2009-11-18T20:01:00.003-08:00

Richard and Paul and I went swimming last night! Well, if you read about the Trifecta...have one more for ya...well, hopefully...last night we saw someone who could potentially be a 4th to make it a quartet!

Enter Tits McGee!

She's struttin her shit around the pool in frilly short shorts and some weather beaten 20 year old see through top in some shade of lavender...keep in mind there was no bra and no underware...so you could practically see her baby maker and her national geographic nipples...definitely a photo op!

So, we're hoping that she makes a regular appearance so we can make our threesome an orgy!

SCHWING!

This song makes me happy!

2009-11-16T07:50:00.001-08:00

Pay attention to me!

2009-11-15T18:00:00.002-08:00

Ever talk to people on the phone and you try to multitask and they (Americans I find do this most often) get all uppity and tell you to focus on them...yeah...I remember that...it's happening right now!

LOVE YOU! Need you! Miss you!

H1N1

2009-10-30T12:44:00.002-07:00

2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken....Bird Flu Pandemic devastated most parts of Asia
2008 - Chinese year of the Horse.....Equine Influenza decimated Australian racing.
2009 - Chinese year of the Pig.....Swine Flu Pandemic terrifying people around the globe.

It gets worse next year?
2010 - Chinese year of the Cock ........... what could possibly go wrong?

Fright Nights

2009-10-28T07:29:00.002-07:00

Last night Richard, Paul, Shannon, Ben and his girlfriend (I SUCK, I can't remember her name) and I went to Fright Nights at the PNE. I went on the ferris wheel (which was enough ride action for me) and we did a few haunted houses (Paul called them horror houses...sounded more like whore...I guess that's why it was funny)...and had mini doughnuts...and watched a show of some guy getting playing cards staple gunned to him...GOOD TIMES!

Learning to Breathe

2009-10-26T11:46:00.000-07:00

Is it bad?

2009-10-20T15:28:00.002-07:00

On Fmylife.com there's an add for weight loss on the right side of the page...and there's a before and after picture of a guy who lost all sorts of weight and bulked up in 4 weeks...is it bad that I think the before dude is hotter with the after beard?? Thoughts?

OMG I have found my perfect man!!!

2009-10-09T07:47:00.000-07:00

This will be me at approximately 9:40am on Saturday!

2009-10-07T11:00:00.003-07:00

Is it bad because it's true?

2009-09-25T15:45:00.001-07:00

Charging your scooter at WalMart while doing Sudoku...HIGH class!!

2009-09-24T07:53:00.004-07:00

He's hit 300,000K...sit Chester sit, good car!

2009-09-24T07:23:00.002-07:00

Best night ever?

2009-09-10T07:18:00.002-07:00

So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.

--taken from Texts from Last Night

Hot Topic ows me some moneys

2009-08-30T17:20:00.001-07:00

Uncle Richard Passed Away

2009-08-22T18:50:00.001-07:00

WOW?!

2009-08-22T18:49:00.002-07:00

A bears smile is the most important thing!!

2009-08-21T07:47:00.001-07:00

Whoever thought taking the train for a fun night out was sadly mistaken

2009-08-20T07:50:00.002-07:00

Last night Sondy and I decided to ride the rails. The new Canada line from Waterfront Station to Richmond/YVR opened on the 17th. So we thought we'd give it a whirl!!

7pm - Walk to Lougheed Station
7:40pm - get to Waterfront - transfer station to the Canada Line
8:10pm - get to YVR (oooo and aaahhh at the new trains...bigger...longer...wider...don't we ALL like that?)
8:20pm - get slurpees at YVR 7-11
8:40pm - depart YVR
9:15pm - depart Waterfront for home
10:06pm - arrive Broadway (like 4 stops from Waterfront - it took 50 minutes) - transfer to Commercial
10:30pm - arrive Lougheed

*times are approximate

WOW!!

He made love to the mountain?

2009-08-16T20:41:00.002-07:00

Assault with a deadly pepper aka Pepper Slap

2009-08-13T12:39:00.004-07:00

Ermentrude* (a girl I work with) had a withered yellow pepper sitting at her desk...so this morning what better way to unwind than to whip said yellow pepper at each other...wild hilarity ensues...there's a lull in said pepper throwing until I pick it up and throw it at Ermentrude and hit her square in the jaw...

The pepper is now compost and I am in the corner for a time out!

*names have been changed to protect the innocent

The Trifecta

2009-08-12T07:56:00.002-07:00

There's three characters that have started showing up at swimming every week, the Welshman, the Boxer and Steven...the Welshman yells at you in the sauna if you leave the door open too long or if you talk even though he engages in witty banter constantly with anyone who will listen to him...the Boxer comes into the sauna and does just that...he air boxes...cause he knows he has an audience (and I'm ok with that...he's cute) and Steven...a mentally defunct guy that introduces himself to everyone but repeatedly forgets your name but gosh does he try...he's called ME Steven, Kevin, Tom...last night he got it right and called me Trefor...he remembers me...I've got a friend for life...so when we're all swimming it's a gong show cause we're all watching for the trifecta wondering where they're going to pop up next...a Where's Waldo of sorts...

This is why I'm proud to be a 'mo

2009-08-10T14:51:00.002-07:00

Craigslist:

To the guy in the white pick-up truck who yelled: "Hey faggot, nice purse!" while I was walking down the street carrying a tote bag -- do you have any idea where you are? This is Dyke Heights my friend. We all carry tote bags and you are the f**king minority who needs to watch your ass. As for calling me a faggot -- thank you. While most people take me for a dyke, seeing as I'm female, the days I pass as a flamboyant queer boy are some of the best days of my summer. Cheers!

- One of the many proud faggy dykes on Willy Street.

Location: Willy Street
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Well, atleast it's not the bearings!

2009-08-10T10:51:00.003-07:00

This morning I was driving into work and the humming noise that I've been hearing in my car, got worse...over the weekend I was doing some research and I was thinking that one of my front bearings was going...so I was expecting to have to get new rotors and new pads and one of the bearings...and I was thinking that it would cost about $600...but this morning, the humming was worse than it had been...so I took it to the mechanic...and even before I got to work he had called...with some bad news...well, good and bad...he says that my front and rear bearings are fine...BUT...my front calipers have both seized...so I need new calipers ($150 a piece), new rotors ($60 a piece) and new pads ($150 for a set)...with taxes and labour...around $950...FOR BRAKES?! OMG!!! Are you kidding? When I caught my breath the guy said he could give me 10% off...and he would try and source the cheapest parts...but...WOW...I'm glad I have the money in savings...but that's it...once I pay for this...I have no more savings *chuckle* and it's raining and I got wet walking to the train to work...it's a terrible horrible no good very bad day! Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, going to the garden to eat worms!

But, my passengers safety is my top priority!

Would anyone like some Men's Fudge?

2009-08-08T17:35:00.002-07:00

Sondra and I were at T&T (Paul and Shannon and Richard were hangin around) and we were looking at the magazines. Well, the Asians seem to like to cover EVERYTHING in slipery plastic packages...EXCEPT Men's Fudge...I wonder why that is?

They're back!

2009-08-05T07:01:00.003-07:00

The nosepickers are back...I've noticed them from time to time...quite sporadically really...but this morning I counted no less than 8 in my 15 minute drive to work...*sigh* NOSE PICKERS ATTACK!

For those of you who ARE nose pickers...please, read the following page so as to learn to be more inconspicuous...k?

http://www.wikihow.com/Pick-Your-Nose-Inconspicuously

I'm thinking of writing my hot garbage man...would this work?

2009-07-28T11:55:00.003-07:00

I know you probably get this a lot, but you are the hottest garbage man I have ever seen. Every Tuesday, I wait at my window desperately at 8:00 AM waiting for you. I love your strong muscles; not matter how heavy my waste is, you have no problem lifting it. Sometimes I hide bricks in there just so I can see your sweaty big muscles in real action. You may know my house specifically because I always leave my old lingerie lying on top of all my other trash. I put it out there for you, you know. I want you to have them. Don't worry, I spray a little perfume on them before I toss them so they don't smell anymore. Anyway, if you like what you see in my trash, come inside sometime, there will be plenty more of where that came from. ;)

Love,
Your Secret Admirer

P.S. I'm single with no kids. All the diapers are from my grandmother who lives with me.

Location: My trash can
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

SO true!

2009-07-20T13:03:00.002-07:00

Living in Sin Sale

2009-07-20T08:59:00.002-07:00

Recently seen on Craigslist:

Mom, deal with it.

We moved in together, and we're happy. So is the baby on the way. Kidding. I'm kidding. No babies.

But we do have lots of stuff to sell. For starters, I was never using one ironing board, and now we have two. And we also both owned Borat and Wedding Crashers. I know, right? We were destined for each other.

So, stop by Saturday, April 18th between 8am and noon. Pass judgment on our living arrangement. Then, bring a piece of it home with you.

It's like she says, why buy the cow when you can sell a toaster?

BIRTHDAY

2009-07-20T07:39:00.004-07:00

Saturday was my birthday. The day was spent in Fort Langley with friends. We took the Albion Ferry...ate ice cream (well, if I had been paying attention it would have been sorbetto...or something like that, I can't remember)enjoyed some Lactaid(c)...had dinner with friends at Red Robin...everyone sang...LOUDLY...it was awesome, albeit embarassing! Sunday was watersliding at the Cultus Lake Water Park. OMG! Beautiful day for it too! (http://cultus.com) Collosal Canyon was the first ride...Paul Shannon and I...laughing...screaming...we all sat equi-distant apart from one another...so no crazy spills or anything...I laughed the whole way down...then it was time for Blasters & Twisters...your typical waterslide experience...I laughed all the way down that one too...then I think we went down the Radical Rapids...THAT was fun...I think I screamed a couple of times...then we did the Valley of Fear...ok, when it was all over...I was shaking...I looked like Katherine Hepburn...Paul, Shannon and I get this tube made for three people - Paul was in front...Shannon was in the middle and I was in the back...and I've wet myself I'm sure of it...there was this 8 year old behind us who was all excited...and she's like, this was her 4th time...and the first time is super scary...but after that it's awesome...Shannon is thinking it's gonna be all safe in the middle....and the little girls tells me to bend down...and she whispers in my ear "The middle is the worst...totally scary"...I was like, let's not tell Shannon that. So it's our turn...we get on the tube...and I'm not even listening to the guy talk...we're getting all sorts of instructions...and just like that he boots us off the ledge...and seriously, we're going straight down...it's like a half pipe...but for tubing...seriously, straight down...when it was all over (it felt like hours) I'm sealed to the bottom of the ride...so I scrape myself off...and crawl out...shaking...it was AWESOME...but I won't ever do that ride again...then I went on the Speed Slide (totally tame compared to the Valley of Fear)...and my bathing suit went totally inside me....atomic wedgie inside me...then we all did the Zero-60 Raceway...facefirst...and I got my balls all slapped up...then we ALL went back to the Collosal Canyon (Ben Paul and I almost flipped over...well not really...but almost...only not really)...then it was hottub time...and by that time it was 7:30 and time to go...so I did every ride except the Freefall...and I think I'm ok with that! :)

After was dinner at Mr. Mikes...we were all STARVING...and this morning I'm still full!!

I won't lie...this was the BEST birthday I can remember in a LONG time!

Thank you friends!!

I got nothin...

2009-07-15T18:24:00.001-07:00

Why can't we ALL have a man like this in our lives?

2009-07-15T14:07:00.004-07:00

Found on the best of Craigslist:

Looking for the daughter half that was in Rite Aid with her mother (I
assume) getting the morning after pill today in Finksburg. You had an amazing body and I would love to be the next reason you have to get another dose of said pill! Hit me up if you're looking for another go round.

Princess Sparkle

2009-07-15T07:35:00.001-07:00

I think that may be my new nickname...I'm not sure what I think about that! I found the following on my desk this morning:

I sparkle

2009-07-13T09:21:00.005-07:00

Last night I had a bath...in sparkles...one of the bath bombs Sondra gave me was LOADED with sparkles...and this morning, when I got out of the shower, I made the mistake of drying myself with the same towel that I used last night...so I was covered in sparkles all over again...when I told Sondra, she suggested the following:

You COULD tell people that your a Vampire of the Pacific Northwest if they ask. Because in the Twilight books, Vampires don't burn up in the sun, they sparkle!

Flying is so expensive in Canada

2009-07-10T07:27:00.003-07:00

Flying home to Saskatoon is going to cost me close to $500 (is a 2 and a half hour flight)...*le sigh* what does the airline industry think I'm made of, money? I may have to think of another way to get home...

Marry, Do, and Kill

2009-06-24T10:48:00.002-07:00

Sondra asked me who I would marry, do and kill out of a list of three people...this was the list she gave me:

Freddy Kruger
Michael Myers
Jason

This was my reply:
Marry: Freddy Kruger (cause he can talk...and marriage is all about communication)
Do: Michael Myers (I think he has a sexy name and I like his pipes in the movies)
Kill: Jason (cause there's TOTALLY enough remakes...enough already)

Bob in Richmond looking for 2 hr fun minimum - $15/hr

2009-06-24T09:53:00.006-07:00

This morning I sent Tony a post for a job on Craigslist...$15/hr - minimum 2 hours - CALL BOB...so I told Tony I would take him if need be...but to call the number provided and see what the deal was.

I get back an LOL...so I asked if it was a joke...and this was Tony's reply:

well no, but the guy that answered said he already had two guys at his house, he asked me what i look like and if i wanted to "join in the fun" - I said no and hung up

When I went to read the post again - it was already gone.

Dude was looking for sex...and I offered to drive Tony to help Bob out...silly Craigslist...

2 more sleeps...

2009-06-23T07:16:00.000-07:00

...and mum and Rachael will be here! I COULD BARF WITH EXCITEMENT!!

I hope that when mum and Rach come down we can all go to the beach and take a family photo like this?! What doesn't look right?

2009-06-17T10:38:00.003-07:00

2009-06-17T07:27:00.001-07:00

Today is my 9 month cleaning at the dentist...I think my gums are getting worse...I have a love hate relationship with the dentist...I like going and having someone clean my mouth...but I always end up leaving embarrassed because I know my mouth needs a lot of work and TLC *shrug*

Bright as the sun

2009-06-15T10:47:00.002-07:00

On Friday I wore a bright yellow t-shirt to work...I got some names too...

Sunshine Stambuck
Chi-keeta(cause I don't know how to spell it)
Two scoops
Big Bird
Tweety

There were more...gawd, I must be getting old...I can't remember them all...

YOUR MOM is sometimes NOT a good answer

2009-06-12T13:33:00.001-07:00

So, the your mum joke totally backfired on me!

I popped out with a couple of people to get a sandwich at the italian market...and one of the guys we were with said he was going to be running for the CBC Run for the Cure...and one of the girls (who's mum died like 2 months ago) asked who he was running for or what charity...and I whipped around and pointed at her and said YOUR MOM...and as SOON as the words left my mouth I felt like a total douche!!!! *sigh*

I could ALWAYS stand to be more gay?

2009-06-09T11:50:00.000-07:00

I had never been in a chicken coop until last night!

2009-06-05T07:15:00.006-07:00

Tony and I went swimming again...this time to Harry Jerome in North Van...not impressed...it's a smaller pool...no waves...overrun with kids...so we decide to go into the sauna (the hot tub was a right off...it was a teen cesspool)...there's 2 girls already in there and three more follow us ...none of them spoke English...and they were all talking over one another! I had never been in a chicken coop until last night!

We'll get along swimmingly!

2009-06-03T06:56:00.002-07:00

Tony and I went swimming last night. A bunch of pools in the lower mainland have dollar swimming...so we went to a wave pool in north van...went in the pool...the hot tub...the sauna...Tony got checked out in the shower...all for 3 bucks...I think it might be our Tuesday thing....

I guess it DOESN'T take that long to walk the dog

2009-06-02T06:49:00.002-07:00

I took Richards dog out this morning...I wanted to make sure I had lots of time so I was up by 5am this morning out the door by quarter to 6...over to Richards...walked the dog...and I was at work by 6:30...I think I can sleep in tomorrow :)

The things I never knew about hearing supplements!

2009-05-22T07:25:00.002-07:00

Amazon.com review

2009-05-21T16:06:00.004-07:00

This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him.

I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives.

Thank you wolf shirt.

Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women

Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.

I think this might be my first tattoo

2009-05-21T13:08:00.001-07:00

Sunrise

2009-05-20T08:13:00.002-07:00

Right now I'm listening to "Early" by Chicane and I'm wishing I was somewhere other than where I am looking at the sunrise...with someone wonderfully special *sigh*

@#$%^&*

2009-05-19T08:00:00.000-07:00

”Careful. We don't want to learn from this.” - Calvin & Hobbes

2009-05-19T07:20:00.002-07:00

Remember that time I went to the States for an hour and a half and spent four and a half hours coming back and only spent $16.57 while I was down there? Yeah, that was AWESOME!

The first swine flu death...and we ALL know where he got it from!

2009-05-17T11:50:00.002-07:00

I'm gonna make an excellent husbear someday!

2009-05-16T18:51:00.002-07:00

I love being domestic!

Today I made apricot and mustard chicken on jasmine rice and home made granola bars...and you know what, they both ROCK'D!!!

Gawd, I love this movie!! I cry like a little baby!!

2009-05-14T19:28:00.003-07:00

I'm wondering what I should get pierced when I go to Saskatoon, if anything?!

2009-05-14T07:06:00.001-07:00

Sometimes the simplest things make me cry!

2009-05-13T07:21:00.001-07:00

When I go home at the end of the month, I think I'd like us to have a family photo done...something like THIS one...

2009-05-12T08:42:00.002-07:00

A Mother's Day card Hallmark never printed...

2009-05-11T13:22:00.003-07:00

"Well gee, had I not been in detox, this might have been gifted to you on mothers day. Instead you'll get it right before you leave for Africa. Well, it could be worse, it could be raining...I love you. Happy Mother's Day!!"

I wish this woman was MY mum!

2009-05-11T11:53:00.001-07:00

Today is one of those lets stay in bed and cuddle days

2009-05-11T07:20:00.002-07:00

Ever met someone and felt like this?

2009-05-10T07:21:00.000-07:00